Hidup balik

Oh dear, baby, I'm still alive.

Assalamu'alaikum dan hai dunya. 

Tapi, aku lapar so updating blog right now uhmm that's a no no.

[Edit:] Leggo.



Oh wait, pls excuse my bahasa and enjoy the journey, it's gonna be bloody hell long post.



Aku tanya apa khabar, semua.
Dah almost five months I took a pause, malas nak continue updating this blog. Well, I'm back, beaches.

Nak recap for the whole friggin five months? /heavy breathing/

Mia, sarah and aku joined a film and theater club, FCPC (stands for Film, Creative Production Club) and also participated as crews and committee for their project Kamar Karma, yang sampai masuk media lah, TV Al-Hijrah, newspapers and everywhere.

Another jejak kasih trip kat highschool. Oh, sempat wefie luar surau because as you can see here surau itu dipagari besi and makin cantik, and since luar sangat panas membakari jiwa lara ni, tak larat nak ambil gambar merata-rata. Btw, on that day, ada shooting for drama tv3 kat sekolah kitorang so sebab tu agak terbatas nak ronda satu sekolah.

Templar Park, Selayang, and sorry, tak ingat how much its fee per entry. Motif pergi adalah untuk menjayakan project for a certain course. Environmental themed project yang sering kali dikaitkan dengan preservation and conservation of our mother earth, oh and gotong-royong. Basically, the park is always seen clear, cuma banyak monyet (like seriously banyak sangat monyet semua keturunan generasi 2.0 ada kat situ, tak payah berusaha sangat nak bawa keropok super ring ke apa nanti kena ragut) sebab kebersihan di situ sentiasa dipantau dan dijaga. Oh, really? Yes. Tapi, disebalik belukar sana sini, ada lah sikit botol, kaca semua. I didn't explore the whole park sebab first, monyet, and second, datang memang niat nak habiskan kerja.

And kakak aku buat pre-loved sales.

5 bulan lepas banyak benda berlaku, kan? AirAsia Flight QZ8501 plane crash, bencana banjir Kelantan yang Ma shaa Allah teruknya, and lately ramai orang terdekat kepada orang terdekat dengan aku (haa faham tak?) pergi menuju ke jalan pulang kepada Allah tanpa kembali, Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'oon dan doa aku tanpa putus kuhulurkan untuk semua ummah.

Yay, 20th birthday! Dah dua dekad aaah.
Sarah buat surprise with cakes and gifts, dia geng dengan club members and seniors berlakon semua untuk kitorang ni including dia gak, December babies. Memang truly tak sangka. I mean, aku yang born with emotionless-and-no-feelings-attached ni terharu. Sarah, kan, dia siap buat compilation of our pictures together, and siap laminated woi, sweet sangat nanti diabetes terus. And my lovely trio, Farah, Ika and Wa buat surprise, pun saja gedik nak berlakon. Bagi aku jam. Aku serious shit terharu sebab you know, jam. Before that day, jam aku rosak for weeks sebab aku yang rosakkan from the very outset. So, dapat juga. And tbvh, balik bilik, aku nangis sebab aku ni naturally born cengeng kind of person. For dearest maknaes, Mia and Sarah, aku bagi ah something, and we had sushis and Mia belanja cupcakes for us, on her birthday, 27th December.

Aziemah or preferably to call her Hemo Hemo (not sorry) and I went to ComicCon at KLCC, masa study week weh takde masalah sebenarnya. It was fun to be very honest, sebab that was my first time. Aku nak pergi dah lama, cuma, timing dia tak cun. Akhirnya pergi jua and langsung tak rasa rugi because it was fun experience. Aku tak kesah orang sekeliling was like judging and i don't even care. You know being semi-otaku and semi-kpop fans are so hard, aku ni closet fan of both kpop and anime so nak sorok semua interests aku ni susah, till aku jumpa orang sekepala seotak senervous-cell dengan aku. Aku dapat Free!mug, Iwatobi jersey and SouMako buttons, and a Vincci for birthday presents.

Study week sangat mencabar.

Nak menangkan malas, nak kalahkan rajin. Struggle.
Kalau kita struggle nak lawan something even though we know how to judge good and bad things, but still kita buat pilihan salah, kita sedar kita salah, dalam hati tengah struggling menegak benang yang basah, then in the end, kita sit in the corner self-contemplation and regret, seek forgiveness, cuba nak perbetulkan salah kita tu Itu maknanya kita memperoleh blaming soul.

Man has three stages of soul, the lowest instigating soul, then blaming soul and the highest tranquil soul. So, bukan demi study week je kita cuba lawan diri dan berusaha untuk peroleh tranquil soul, halawatul iman, menjadi mukmin unggul, tapi, tiap-tiap hari sebenarnya. Ini peringatan untuk aku dan semua.

Oh, adik aku masuk kolej on December, 2014 taking civil engineering which is so new to him, like everyone else. Seronok, risau, mixed feelings. And yeah, folks, itu sahaja benda nak share, nak recap for previous five months. Sekarang tengah cuti, so, next update will be about you know, cuti, j-dramas or something.

[Edit 2.0.:] Yes, folks, 30th January, 2015 I don't even care, aku nak juga drag this post panjang. Kan aku dah cakap, this gonna be bloody hella long post. Enjoy  the ride.

Cuti kali ni sangat...relaxing. Tiga minggu taking an inter-sem break, so, okay je lah. Boleh tenangkan hati, minda...oh, really? Nah, honestly, tak senang duduk memikirkan nasib. Iyolah, memikirkan the fact that the result final exams for previous sem alrdy fucked up so...yeah.

Alhamdulillah, everything turned out fine and you know, this doesn't make me feel safe or what. Aku still insecure. Iyolah, kita tak boleh stay and mereput dalam our comfort zone forever. Ada masanya, oh no, dah sampai masanya kita maju ke hadapan. So, aku rasa, aku dah tak boleh main-main. Oh, really? Pfffts.

Oh no. Aku kena lebih, you know, serious. I'm taking Accounting, Alhamdulillah. I know it is really heavy, like, you know, berat for someone yang sangat malas macam aku. But, aku ni go-getter once aku dah tau apa aku nak. And aku dah tau apa aku nak. You know, result aku isn't so bright yang sampai silau terus buta mata orang tengok, tapi, aku satisfied I mean, tiada masalah, berbaloi dengan usaha aku.

"Bagi apa yang setimpal dengan usaha aku. Kalau kecil usaha aku, kecil impak keputusan atau hasilnya. Kalau besar usaha aku, besarlah hasilnya. Aku terima, aku bersyukur dengan apa yang aku ada. Apa yang terbaik Kau beri padaku meskipun aku masih jahil atau tidak suka mengenai sesuatu, aku tahu itulah yang terbaik untukku, aku tahu itulah bahagian untukku."

Kecil ke besar impak sesuatu dalam hidup tak bermakna kita terus macam terima then, biarkan macam tu je hidup berlalu. Oh no, dear, life goes on, but kau pun kena kejar kehidupan both here in this temporal world and in the Hereafter. Kau perlu buat something out of your life. Aku kan, tengok kembali hidup aku, aku dah plan few things and yet, tak semua benda berlaku ikut apa yang kau rancang. Tapi, Allah dah rancang sesuatu yang lebih bagus,  lebih baik, untuk kau. His plans for you are far more superior that yours. Bercakap mengenai takdir, nasib or future, tak bermakna kita boleh duduk je, then tengok how the river leads you, how your life leads you. No, kita boleh ubah. So, that's why kita mesti selalu berdoa yang terbaik untuk kita dan semua. Tak rugi doa dan berbaik untuk orang, suka atau tak suka, doa dan tuturkan kata baik untuk dorang. Again, peringatan untuk aku dan semua.

Cakap memang senang, kan? I know that very well.

 Cuti kali ni is all about coffee, otp, fucked up photoshop, local novel and malas.
I've been investing my time a lot on reading, reading, reading and reading fanfics of my ultimate otp, soumako /shamelessly sinfully confessed/, and newspaper ofc, a local novel titled Seronok, tu pun baru lepas 100 pages pastu stopped, aku dan half-assed attitude aku macam isi dan kuku.

And then, more caffeine, I even drink double-shots expresso, konon 'eyes wide open' still aku tidur juga. Aku sekarang buat kopi or milo or anything milky dah tak guna krimer manis F&N ke apa, cuma gunakan susu kotak Goodday. Seriously Goodday is the best and FarmFresh pun bolehlah cuma more expensive than other brands, I guess. And then, masak. Masak apa je pun.

Then, perah otak thinking about new one-shot yang less complicated, oh dear aku tak boleh lari daripada cliche stuffs. Tapi, still, try...and voila, ada something. I thought nak make them into comics or djs but then I was like how about aku roughly drawn the storyline  and this time kena ada ending, then currently aku sedang working on it. Pastu, Photoshop ni...aku ada CS6 but still using CS3, overwhelmed with remorse I guess. Selalu breaks down, I just can't.

Ahhahaha one fine day aku nak hire or team up with someone yang boleh color better and able to draw backgrounds aaah aku nak geng Nozaki sekarang. Shading pun tak reti, backgrounds, perspectives, colors pun tak reti, lukis pun alahai letih aku nak sebut semua flaws aku.

Oh and btw, currently I'm watching: Ouroboros and A Restaurant with Many Problems.
I'm going for Ouroboros because of the casts. I mean, come on lah woi, Oguri Shun, Toma Ikuta and the most important cast, Ueno Juri, takkan taknak tengok. Its genre is kinda dark, revenge-themed so aku prefer this kind of genre. Next, A Restaurant with Many Problems, as we read the title macam meh je story dia. Oh dear, aku suka karya director dia, who was also a director of my all-time favorite drama, The Great Divorce. Cerita ni stressed on women, their struggle and the unfair treatment on them, dalam dunia pekerjaan. Cast dia, boleh tahan.

I'm done with A Gentleman's Dignity, Bitter Blood and Sorry Youth. Those are comedy dramas. Aku tengok sebab just because. They weren't that bad, I mean, the idea of watching comedy isn't that bad. Aku tak suka sangat tengok angsty drama sebab aku ni dramatic orang. Even though aku ni dramatic, tak bermakna aku reti berlakon ke apa. Pfffts. A Gentleman's Dignity kelakar woi, imo. Bitter Blood is an okay drama but cuma bila tengok sampai habis, feel something is off, but the casts aku suka. Sorry Youth, aku tengok sebab heroine...at first, pastu stuck, got hooked sebab lawak dorang tu aku boleh digest. Aku kan serba hambar dan bosan orangnya. Ugh well.

Dah boleh stop kut. Wassalamu'alaikum.

P/S: D-addicts is broken down idekw, menggelabah aku cari subtitles.

[Edit 2.0:] PP/S: D-addicts is back! MBLAQ disband alrdy. Sedih mak.

PPP/S: Aku salahguna kan P/S sebenarnya. Nak tengok P/S Man lah.