Assalamu'alaikum & Hi.
Kenapa rasa macam dah lama sangat tak taip a thing on this blog? Ughhh beach pls...padahal dah menaip tons of words for assignments. Okay, that sounds exaggerating.
On previous post, I was frustrated. Well, yeah but now, maybe not. No, memang tak...I don't feel any kind of negative feelings at all rn, so that means, I'm fine. Why, thank you. Holidays have started, for only three weeks, but naaah I'm cool w that. So, what to do? Well, actually, I've got a plan for this holiday but on the first day, I failed to practice them. Sangat berwawasan kan? Well, that is so Anis. This semester, rasa macam pendek sangat. Maybe I spent lotsa time w useless and worthless stuffs. Well done and tahniahlah Anis, you've spoiled your grades. So, idt aku boleh dapat empat rata. The root of all these problems - me was lacking of determination. Dulu, bukan semangat lagi nak jadi tu, nak jadi ni and back then I was extremely competitive but this sem, langsung takde. The desire to win everything was no longer in my mind atm so that's why this sem I always felt smths were not right. I should never let my guard down ever again. Never. I want this sem is the last time. Work harder, Anis.
Orang kata; "Belajar pandai mana, tapi kerja tak dapat, bukan pergi jauh mana pun...buang masa je. Pandai-pandai pun, jadi budak tak guna gak. Langsung tak buat apa-apa..." Maybe aku ni good-for-nothing, but that doesn't mean aku ni forever loser. The society needs to give this kind of people, meaning that those people like me, more space and time to change themselves. "Setiap orang mesti ada improvement dalam diri dorang, when they've graduated from their universities...at least, ada perubahan yang baik dalam diri. Keluar daripada universities semata-mata nak ambil segulung kertas which is so-called sijil and gonna prove to the world that you're some kinda degree or bla bla bla graduate who will be a hero to save the world w ur degree certificate; no, you're wrong. Graduated from university is showing that you're successfully improved yourselves and upgraded yourselves to be the best as you could." So masuk university bukan untuk dapatkan sijil saja, but to improve yourselves. Bagi those people yang bertuah dapat further your study, korang should be thankful and use that opportunity to be better and contribute to mankind. Aku nak further study in Accounting sbb nak jadi Accountant or In shaa Allah, nak jadi Auditor. I know right the route to have that particular dreams to be come true, sangat susah and lama. Sangat susah is another negative words that are always lingering in our mind and will bring us down if kita terus set our mind in sangat susah mode. But Accounting ni is a big deal and no doubt the study is serious shit susah. Tengoklah nanti, in next few years, aku akan jadi acano. In shaa Allah I'll be a better person, a better Muslimah. So, doakan aku yang baik-baik.
I find myself that I'm not a fun person. Bila presentation, aku selalu serious like giving a death speech. Bila sembang w strangers or guys, aku selalu jadi forever awkward. Bila hangout dengan kawan, aku selalu jadi cam diam, idkw. Maybe aku ni insecure. Bila presentation, aku selalu fikir nak finish the shit off immediately, and yeah, aku tak suka present and really suck at it. Low self-esteem, huh? Yeah right. Communication w guys and teachers pun macam apa gak, idkw I don't really feel the desire to talk to them. Then, there was a guy, at last, tanya kenapa aku macam tak biasa cakap dengan guys. Sorry. Me myself, idkw. I just couldn't talk casually or friendly w guys. Bukan guys je, strangers and other people too. Again, I know right orang dah marked me as sombong or so-called garang but that's cool, bc orang yang cakap cenggitu must be not known me that well. Sokay socool, u'olls can take your time to know me well and don't worry I don't hate you. I can't even hate you, sebab you have right to say whatever abt me. I'm cool w that.
Recently, kawan aku punya kawan kahwin and she's 19 like me and also drop-dead gorgeous. Well, imo, I'm cool w that, meaning that, getting yourself married isn't a bad thing, okay. Orang kata; "Nak pasangan yang baik, kena doa, start daripada dulu lagi." Aku dah lupa bila aku start doa, or pernah ke aku cuba doa for that kind of thing? Aku selalu fikir; marriage, finding an everlasting soulmate, having a special relationship w a particular guy - is nothing but meh a small matter. But act, besar gak weh. Sekarang, aku dah 19, well actually still 18, tapi serious lah weh, I'm aging and getting older days by days. Dengar cerita pasal orang kahwin, membuatkan aku rasa nak kahwin. Well yeah, biasalah. Aku ni perempuan gak, mesti ada rasa that kind of feels. And on previous posts, aku ada cakap aku tak suka kanak-kanak but lately I guess I've overcame this predicament. Pastu, tengok merata-rata couples, they are everywhere. And I was meh wth is wrong w these people. Not jealous, but bila tengok dorang, in my head kahwin je lah, kahwin je lah, kahwin je lah and get the hell off from my way. Maybe I shouldn't think that, but why not? Lagi sweet, if those guys just get married and be like forever lovey-dovey. Okay. Maybe I shouldn't say anything abt couples, relationship or dating, bc I don't even have any clue of it. So, stfu? Yesssir, I back off rn. Aku rasa I'm definitely not ready yet, untuk semua ni. I mean, idt that I can pull it off very well since aku rasa diri aku ni berharga (sounds too Loreal). No, but more to macam, motherfvvver gentleman. Aku ni serious shit not a fun person, boring and extremely not romantic. I always in my own world, so yang bestnya, bila dapat influence orang to live my own little world.
I think I should widen my circle...or maybe not. Biarlah everything happens naturally, dengan ketentuan-Nya. But, Anis, at least, usaha sikit. Tapi, nak usahakan apa? Okay, stupid question, got it.
Why am I telling you those things? Sorry. Me myself, idkw.
...for reading this post. For what you read this, btw?
Wallauhu'alam. Wassalamu'alaikum.
P/S: No P/S bc I've lost my words while typing this.
PP/S: Guys w a clean long and black hair are surely sexy. Okay, just saying but ikr that's kinda random.
Sorry. But I said no P/S, wth Anis.
